DEALING WITH DEATH

Right now your nana and her father 'papa' are both only weeks away from passing it would seem. You are also aware that your great grandmother 'mama' is not doing well either.
You have been handling it al lfairly well on the outside. You have cried from time to time about nana, usually when it's bedtime. How deep inside this is all effecting you I can only guess. I try to be as there for you to speak your mind as possible.
The other day at dinner you said "I'm not sure yet if God exists. But if he does, I wish he would space things out a bit."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that so I just smiled and agreed with the concept.

DADDY LOVES HIS JOB

Aspen,
Since your mommy moved away I have been raising you by myself. I have had people from time to time tell me that they couldn't raise a child by themselves and that they admired how I am taking care of all that goes with raising a child on my own.
The funny thing is that I have never found the task to be that challenging. I certainly have a lot less free time to hang out with friends and I can't go to all the concerts I would if your mom still lived here to watch you half the week, but I thoroughly enjoy doing all the daddy tasks with and for you.
I love cooking dinner for two as you sit in the living room doing your homework. I love taking you to riding lessons. I love volunteering at your school so I can see you in class (a setting in which most parents rarely get to see their child interact). I love planning the birthday parties. I love helping you get ready for bed and up in the mornings. I love getting you to school. I love all of our interactions throughout ever day. I love watching you get smarter and wiser. I love seeing you ask more detailed and intelligent questions than you did from the month before. I love having to buy you new clothes when the ones I got you a month ago that you only wore once are now too small. I love reading to you, particularly when you bring it up. I love you wanting to hear more of my music (Buffett, Cash, Springsteen). I love when you ask me for advice on how to deal with friends or situations at school. I love seeing your interest form in hobbies and passtimes as the months go on.
I do not find raising my 8 yr old girl to be 'work', at least not hard work.
Being your daddy continues to be the most educational and rewarding undertaking I could ever be blessed with. There are times when I am challenged by being a full time single daddy, but 'challenging' is a positive. I have never felt overwhelmed by anything in the realm of 'daddydom'.
There is nothing I would change about my life or who you are.

SUMMER 2007

This summer you went to Phoenix to stay with mommy and Kaylee. You did come back in the middle of the summer for a week.
Alot has gone on since I last updated here:
You made the GT classes at school. Ms. Richardson is your regular teacher and Ms. Hannon is your GT teacher.
Ed has moved out of David's which means you don't get to see eachother nearly as much now. That doesn't seem to bother you too much for now. He is a senior in high school and decided not to play football this year. He works at the pizza joint near David's.
Nanna is quite sick as you know. We have gone up to see her a few times since you have been back. Hopefully we can increase how frequently we see her.
The lake is really low right now so we aren't able to take Seaweeder out until next season.
Morgan moved in below. I am very happy that you have someone close by to play with. Hopefully she will be around for awhile. Natalie is still getting used to you having a new friend. She likes it just the 2 of you.
I'm glad you're back. I missed you over the summer. I spent as much of my time as I could biking and kayaking while you were gone.
Now I spend my time helping you with your homework, which is just as fun (and exhausting).

SUMMER ALMOST OVER

You have spent the last 3 months or so with your mom and sister in AZ. I have spent the extra free time biking and kayaking. I miss you much but have to say being able to sleep in a bit has been nice. I have spent a lot of time thinking about your strengths and what I need to do to help you build on your good characteristics. Hopefully the time off will allow me to be an even better daddy to you for the next year.
Alot has changed while you have been gone. Your new furniture, which will be yours for the rest of your life, comes tomorrow. Your old furniture went to a needy friend, so it's in a good place.
Ed has moved out of David's due to his own stupidity and selfishness. that will probably greatly effect how much you see of him for the rest of your life. That troubles me. You are already out of daily touch with your mom and now bubby has moved too. More and more, it's just you and me.
Last month you were admitted into the gifted/talented program at school. Just as your mom was at your age.
Good job!
You appeared on the t.v. show Carolina Traveler for your horse camp attendance a few weeks ago. See you at minute 2:28 into it? That's you at age 8 1/2! Anne was who taught you how to ride a horse. When I talk to you on the phone these days you always ask me if we'll be able to go riding when you're back.
Your Nanna is not doing well now. This will be the first time you will have to deal with the impermanence of life as The Darhma teaches. It will be hard for all of us.
Gramama and Grampa John will be coming out at the same time you return from AZ. then school starts.
I look forward to your return!

YOUR FRIENDS

These days your friends are Katie (in the apartments), Natalie (whom you met at appleseed 4 years ago), Carin (2 houses down from David's house).
You go to girlscouts every other tuesday. For the last several weeks you have been taking western riding horse lessons at Ann Springs Close Greenway. Ms. Close is your instructor in what will probably be her last time at instructing. You also are about to test for you yellow stripe belt in karate next week.

JUST YOU AND ME

Aspen,
your mom has been gone now for 8 months (august 2005). she calls about 3 times a week. you call her a few times a week. you do fine during the day. it is after you talk to her before bed that it is hard on you. you often miss her and are close to tears at least once or twice a week. i wish i could do something to help you.
your mom moving away had nothing to do with how she feels about you. she loves you and misses you, just as much as you miss her. she left for other reasons. she would have taken you with her if she could have but she knew it was best that you stay in charlotte with me and bubby.
he misses your mom just as much as you do. it is hard on him at night too. david tells me that he has broken down and cried too.
im sorry that this chapter in your life is being written. im doing my best to make it as happy a time as possible for you. i cant be your mommy, but ill be the best daddy i know how to be.
hopefully this chapter will only be a temporary one and your mom can find a way to come back here for you and bubby for good.